A journey to the soul
The gratitude fairy, created with Bing Image Creator (6.12.2023, powered by DALL-E 3)
A journey to the soul
Where I used to be happy at times,
I'm embracing my life as a whole,
When there used to be only rhymes,
There is meaning, there's depth, there is soul.
I did not change much I would claim,
It's rather that I'm more myself.
And still nothing appears quite the same,
I tried to be human, but was always an elf.
Get me right that it's still dark inside
And this darkness is heavy and scary.
In that darkness though shines a bright light
And I call her the gratitude fairy.
Emotions hit harder than ever,
When I take them as mere information
I draw lines where before I did never.
I'm less prone to all manipulation.
There's often a storm in my head and my mind
And I always thought that's how it has to be.
Until that deep calm lake I could find,
That's my soul, the serene and real me.
Many places I still will discover
By embracing my mind, heart and soul.
Learned to be a compassionate self-lover,
Step by step, day by day growing whole.
Jan H. Hellberg (2021)
This poem was and is my reflection of being diagnosed as neurodivergent. However, I know that we all may have moments where we feel we are „the elves“ and different. The good thing about that was for me to realise that there are many others out there. Maybe not with exactly the same, but with similar struggles.
I recited this poem last time at the dVerse LIVE event. This time Grace is hosting. Maybe I’ll recite the one I posted last time for Open Link Night (OLN) this time, when I can make it to the event.
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Wonderfully touching and an absolute pleasure to read. I can relate.
Thank you, Sam!
I thought this was what you read, and saw that it is.☺️ Really like this line: “It’s rather that I’m more myself.” Hope we’ll see you again!❤️🙏🏻
Thank you, Melissa.
Yes, I loved the session and want to back. And by the way that’s one of my poems I know by heart and I did indeed recite it from memory instead of reading it. 😉
Yes, you did! I had forgotten that detail. My memory (probably) isn’t as good as yours!😆
Unfortunately I got a very selective memory. 😀
I can recite some of the most insane poems like the Ursonate from Kurt Schwitters (15 minutes of nonsense poetry: „Füms bö wö tää zää Uu pögiff, kwiiee“), and some things I try hard to keep in mind but can’t and they’re gone the next moment. 😞
The soul searching resonates with me, Jan. Reading your afterword gives your poem a deeper meaning. You’re right there are many of us „out there.“
Thanks a lot
You’re welcome.
Step by step, you will make it. I love that compassion and love for yourself.
Thanks, Grace
Beautiful poem, and for me it felt so relatable ( I am not diagnosed with anything, but my son is), it always was my associations as well with elves and the fairies. I loved this gentle yet strong part the most : „Get me right that it’s still dark inside
And this darkness is heavy and scary.
In that darkness though shines a bright light
And I call her the gratitude fairy.“
Yes, I love the gratitude fairy and wrote another poem just about her
I loved it when I heard you read it at the live session, and it was great to be able to see every line of your writing… I have heard it from others, that when you are finally diagnosed it is a sense of relief.
Thank you and yes, it explains a lot and I was able to let go of quite some negative beliefs etc.
Celebrating self love … yes.
Thanks
I think most people can relate in some way–we all grow and change (hopefully for the better). I feel the gratitude and hope in this. I imagine having an official diagnosis brings some relief.
Yes it does, as it explains some things and why I struggle with what many seem to find easy. And it gave me more clarity where to look for tools etc. that really work for me.
Those are very positive things! 😊
Jan, you already know that I love, love, love that poem and bask in the glow of my association with it. It has been awesome to have you as a partner in our storytelling sessions at KMWorld, and your poem – with its backstory – continue to make people think, to reflect, and even, to cry. You have brought a wonderful vulnerability to our workshop and it will always be the better for it. I’m so happy that we’re both hanging out in the dVerse Poets Pub.
Yes, yes, yes, I can only agree, Kim!
We’ve had such a short time face to face and look what we’ve made out of it. ❤️
And thank you, it means a lot to me, coming from you!
Yes, that’s how it works with „the Wonderfuls“!
Jan, your exploration of personal growth and self-discovery is remarkably introspective, capturing the essence of a transformative journey with eloquence! This is beautiful.
Much love,
David
Thanks a lot, David.
And it means a lot to me coming from you that I cherish as a luminary wordsmith.
😳
This is so beautiful and touching, Jan. I would have loved to listen to you reciting it.
Thank you so much, Punam